Understanding DARVO: The Manipulative Tactic Used by Abusers
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were wronged, but the perpetrator somehow managed to turn the tables and make you feel like the guilty one? If so, you may have experienced DARVO, a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to deflect blame and avoid accountability.
DARVO, which stands for "Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender," is a psychological reaction displayed by perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, when confronted with their actions [2][4]. This concept, introduced by Jennifer J. Freyd in her 1997 publication on betrayal trauma theory, sheds light on the complex dynamics that often occur between abusers and their victims [2][4].
The Psychological Dynamics Behind DARVO
At the core of DARVO lies a web of denial, minimization, and justification. Abusers may outright deny that the event ever occurred ("It didn't happen"), downplay its severity ("It wasn't that bad"), or attempt to rationalize their actions ("I did it for your own good") [3][4]. These tactics serve to distort reality and shift the focus away from the perpetrator's wrongdoing.
In cases where abuse survivors take legal action, such as defamation lawsuits, DARVO often emerges as a response to the accusations. By denying the abuse, attacking the credibility of the survivor, and claiming victimhood, abusers aim to discredit the victim and protect themselves from the consequences of their actions [3].
Who Uses DARVO and Its Manipulative Tactics?
While DARVO is most commonly associated with sexual offenders, it is not limited to this group. Recent research has found links between DARVO and personality traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy, suggesting that individuals with these traits may be more likely to employ these manipulative tactics [2][4][5].
DARVO serves as a key skill for psychological and sexual abusers, allowing them to effectively shift blame and paint victims as offenders [3][5]. By preventing scrutiny and legal action, abusers can continue their harmful behavior without fear of repercussions.
The Tactics Involved in DARVO
DARVO involves a three-pronged approach: denying the wrongdoing, attacking the victim's credibility and character, and attempting to reverse the roles of victim and perpetrator [3][5]. Abusers may question the victim's mental health, stability, and honesty in an effort to discredit them and cast doubt on their account of events.
Perhaps the most insidious element of DARVO is the role reversal. By manipulating the situation, abusers position themselves as the victim, painting the real victim as the perpetrator [1][3][5]. This tactic serves to further confuse and silence the victim while shielding the abuser from accountability.
The Impact of DARVO on Survivors and Bystanders
The long-term effects of DARVO on survivors can be devastating, often leading to chronic anxiety, depression, and re-traumatization [1][3]. The manipulation and gaslighting involved in DARVO can leave victims questioning their own reality and struggling to trust their perceptions.
Bystanders, too, can become entangled in the DARVO process. Due to betrayal blindness or a desire for personal gain, they may participate in the manipulation, further exacerbating the harm done to the victim [5]. DARVO fosters a culture of binary thinking among enablers, encouraging them to empathize with the manipulator at the expense of believing and supporting the victim.
Mitigating the Effects of DARVO
Education is a powerful tool in combating the effects of DARVO. By raising awareness about these manipulative tactics, we can equip victims and bystanders with the knowledge needed to recognize and resist this form of abuse [5]. Formal measurement instruments, such as the Betrayal Trauma Questionnaire (BTQ) and the Psychological Abuse Survey (PAS), can also help researchers study the prevalence and impact of DARVO more accurately [4].
When survivors disclose their traumatic experiences, it is crucial that we respond with compassion, belief, and support [2][4]. By creating a safe space for survivors to share their stories without fear of blame or judgment, we can help prevent further harm and promote healing.
Combating DARVO: Strategies for Survivors and Supporters
If you or someone you know is experiencing DARVO, there are steps you can take to combat these manipulative tactics and protect yourself:
Document everything: Keep detailed records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of events. This can help you maintain clarity and provide evidence if needed [1].
Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals for validation and guidance. Having a strong support system can provide a safe space to process your experiences [1].
Educate yourself and others: Learn about DARVO and other manipulative tactics to better recognize and resist them. Share this knowledge with others to prevent bystander participation in the abuse [5].
Consider therapy: A trained therapist can provide valuable tools and strategies for dealing with manipulation and its effects. Online therapy services, such as BetterHelp, offer access to licensed professionals who can support you in navigating abusive relationships [3].
Seek legal support: If you are involved in legal proceedings related to abuse, consider working with family law professionals and advocates who can provide information, support, and guidance in understanding the nuances of coercive and controlling behavior associated with DARVO [2].
Empowering Ourselves and Others
As we work to combat DARVO and support survivors, it is essential that we approach this issue with empathy, understanding, and a commitment to creating change. By educating ourselves and others about these manipulative tactics, we can foster a society that stands against abuse and empowers survivors to seek the help and support they need.
If you are currently experiencing DARVO or any form of abuse, remember that you are not alone. There are resources and people ready to support you on your journey to healing and empowerment. Take a moment to breathe, and know that you have the strength within you to break free from the cycle of manipulation and reclaim your truth.
Together, we can create a world where survivors are heard, believed, and supported, and where abusers are held accountable for their actions. By shining a light on DARVO and other manipulative tactics, we can work towards a future free from abuse and filled with healing, hope, and resilience.
References
PeoplePsych. (2021). DARVO – What Is It and Are You Experiencing It? Retrieved from https://peoplepsych.com/darvo-what-is-it-and-are-you-experiencing-it/
Choosing Therapy. (2021). DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender. Retrieved from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/darvo/
Keystone Law. (2021). Understanding DARVO: what is abusive, gaslighting and coercive behaviour in relationships. Retrieved from https://www.keystonelaw.com/keynotes/understanding-darvo-what-is-abusive-gaslighting-and-coercive-behaviour-in-a-relationship
Freyd, J. J. (1997). Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and betrayal trauma theory. Feminism & Psychology, 7(1), 22-32.
Harsey, S. J., Zurbriggen, E. L., & Freyd, J. J. (2017). Perpetrator responses to victim confrontation: DARVO and victim self-blame. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 26(6), 644-663.
