Understanding Pathological Love Relationships

Pathological love, though not officially recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), is characterized by idealized images of love, an overwhelming need to be needed, and compulsions that lean towards infatuation or obsession with one or more romantic partners [1]. This form of love often mirrors the behavioral patterns found in some personality and mood disorders. Signs of pathological love can include inconsistent boundaries, fears of abandonment, overlapping relationships, an overwhelming fear of being alone, and attempts to change a partner.

These unhealthy behaviors related to love often spring from developmental trauma and deficits in establishing or maintaining healthy relationships. For instance, individuals who develop an insecure attachment style often become preoccupied with romantic relationships irrespective of red flags or warning signs.

Warning Signs and Red Flags of Pathological Love Relationships

Pathological love relationships often present several warning signs and red flags. One of the common hallmarks of such relationships is cognitive dissonance (CD), a state of conflicting thoughts or attitudes held simultaneously. This conflict arises due to the inconsistent behavior of the pathological partner, leading survivors to experience confusion about their partner.

Pathological individuals may display red flags such as manipulation, lying, and lack of empathy [3]. Despite a charming and charismatic exterior, these individuals often lack genuine emotions, exhibit a lack of accountability, and may blame others for their actions [3]. It’s crucial to be aware of these red flags and seek help if you suspect you are dealing with a pathological person.

Emotional Manipulation, Control, and Abuse in Pathological Love Relationships

Pathological love relationships often involve emotional manipulation, control, and various types of abuse [3,4]. Cognitive dissonance, which is common in such relationships, fosters emotional manipulation and control, leading to confusion and a sense of being stuck.

These relationships often involve partners with traits of personality disorders, leading to emotional and psychological abuse. The inconsistent behavior of the pathological partner can make it difficult for the victim to reason, plan, or organize, leading to a feeling of being trapped in the relationship. It’s important to be conscious of these red flags, as they may indicate a toxic or abusive relationship.

Codependency and Enabling Behaviors in Pathological Love Relationships

Codependency and enabling behaviors are often seen in the context of pathological love relationships. These behaviors contribute to the perpetuation of the pathological love relationship. The codependent partner often sacrifices their own needs to cater to their partner, while enabling behaviors support or cover up the pathological partner’s unhealthy habits or actions.

Seeking Professional Help and Support

Survivors of pathological love relationships can seek support from trauma-informed clinicians. Approaching red flags in a relationship requires acknowledging one’s own needs, communicating openly, setting boundaries, reconnecting with friends or family, and knowing when to leave.

Pathological love can be best understood as “an ounce of pleasure for a pound of pain” and may require admitting that there is a problem and seeking support from a trauma-informed clinician. Toxic relationships can be a vacuum of energy and happiness, and it’s important to address red flags for a relationship to thrive.